KEEP IT TIGHT
Everyone seems to have a few neckbones out of place these days. Subluxation runs rampant. Walk the city streets and witness the unbridled proliferation of chiropractic businesses. Every corner houses a licensed bone snapper who will gladly pop your collar bone back into its seat so that you might stroke your forehand with greater range of motion and less discomfort—being as you are now unfettered by the devil subluxation.

Visit your local vitalist. Have your balls and sockets manipulated by the best. Relieve your stressed-out vertebrae of their emotional baggage and blockages. Perhaps top things off with a round of golf, yuppie. You deserve it. You've worked hard. And so have dem bones.

O.F. IT


I'm proud of this photo.

So I'm posting it.

TOO BUSY TO BREATHE
What right-wingers see when they look at The New York Times.

VACATION DECIDER THE MOUNTAIN BIKE RIDER


"Terrorist plot? Quick! Get me my mountain bike!"

SLIGHT DISCOMFORT
My temples throb with the telltale pangs of much wine drunk, but I soldier on. I am a soldier. One who sits at a desk and drinks coffee. And sometimes that coffee is very hot. It's a rough tour of duty.

NO ADDED SALT
I saw a girl on the bus this morning — a twentysomethingish girl — who sat there all clean and dressed up for her high-powered job in corporate finance but for her two formerly sweat-soaked and now faded Lollapalooza beer bracelets still engaged 'round her right wrist.

Is this de rigeur?

WEATHER ON THE ONES
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.

The rain in Chicago falls in places that don't rhyme.

Meteorologists have been trying to get to the bottom of this discrepancy for decades. Some say we should chalk it up to nature's whimsy. To which I say: "Who uses chalk anymore?"

Last night's lightning, hail and thunder wended its way through metropolitan Chicago with all of the sound and fury of Earth, Wind and Fire. It was a spectacular show. Arterial bolts weaved through the clouds while cloud-to-grounders popped off en masse in what top eschatologists are today calling "a chilling display of God's wrath."

The house cat was not amused. She hates lightning and so embedded her claws deep into my flank whenever God's high-voltage wrath smote a nearby oak.

The joys of pet ownership.